Mental health 101 in the time of Covid: 'Me-time' as important as 'we-time' for couples, kindness is need of the hour

Anxiety, stress, depression, mental health. In today’s pandemic-hit world, these terms have become almost as frequently used as covid and coronavirus.

As the human race battles one of the biggest pandemics in recent history, it is fighting not just the virus but also the several economic, social and psychological effects that it brings along.

The uncertainty about the immediate future, need for social distancing and isolation brought about by the crisis have led to an increase in mental distress. While some people are learning to cope with loneliness, others are witnessing friction in relationships as a result of being locked in without any outside social interaction..

Award-winning psychiatrist Dr. Natasha Kate Kothari describes anxiety as the feeling of uneasiness one experiences before a big exam. Given the reticence with which we talk about mental health, a lot of people may be unaware that they are experiencing anxiety in the first place, she feels.

We asked Dr Kothari, who practises at Mumbai’s Masina Hospital, to answer some FAQs about negative emotions and how to take care of one’s mental health during the pandemic.

How does one identify and understand the emotions that they are experiencing as a result of the lockdown?
Dr. Natasha Kate Kothari: The pandemic has hit us all, whether we are in large cities or the villages of India. So has the anxiety that goes along with it.

An easy way to describe anxiety is the feeling one has a day before a difficult exam - nervousness, constant worrying about the event and the future related to it. Your heart beats faster with a feeling of suffocation and restlessness, churning in the stomach, and you are unable to eat well or sleep in the night.

However, if you didn't know when the exam really was, then this feeling would continue for many days. It would begin to interfere with our normal life, we would get more irritable and short tempered, we would be unable to focus, make more mistakes and overall life would become more difficult. This pandemic is just like that exam and hence it is normal to have such feelings of anxiety and nervousness.

Sometimes, it is possible to deal with these feelings by talking to our friends and family, but when that doesn't work, it is advisable to seek professional help.

Spending days at a stretch at home with family, without any outside social interaction can take a toll on relationships. Disagreements, fights, arguments can cause friction and take a toll on mental health. How does one deal with being locked in with someone they no longer love/like?
NKK: It is important to remember that we are in a crisis situation and the people you are at home with have the same emotions as you. They can be tired, frustrated, anxious and angry just like you. Just because you don't love or like them, doesn't mean you can't be cordial, kind and respectful.

It is tempting to bring up past hurt and resentment, but doing so will only make the environment more toxic. Also remember, whether you like it or not, you are in this together. In that sense, you are all teammates. Think of this period as a long, Test match. Each team member has certain strengths and has roles and responsibilities accordingly. So act like a team, and at the same time, maintain your personal boundaries, and respect others’ boundaries.


Living alone, by one's self has become common, especially in the big cities. However, even those who are used to living alone have been feeling bouts of unexpected loneliness as they practise social distancing. How can they cope?
NKK: Isolation can prove to be a tough way to live, but luckily for us technology enables us to virtually connect with people in our social circle. It is important to spend at least some time in the day connecting with loved ones to prevent a sudden withdrawal of social interaction.

At the same time, let us not look at social isolation as a form of punishment or feel something is missing from our lives. Social distancing situations give us the perfect opportunity to develop new skills, be it cooking, fitness, meditation, gardening, or any art form. For example I encourage my patients to take up healthy "challenges" like the quarantine 21-day fitness challenge to help them forge a sense of kinship with friends and family..

If social distancing is to be our new normal, let us embrace it and use it to help ourselves rather than fight it.

Relationships between cohabiting couples are changing as they find themselves spending more time with each other than they are used to. How can couples manage their emotions, space better?
NKK: Couples should remember that "me-time" is as important as "we-time".

Every person has their own unique personalities, likes and dislikes, and this is what made you fall in love with your partner in the first place. But suddenly, when opportunities to maintain this individuality comes down due to the pressure of "couples should do everything together", irritability and resentment often starts to build.

Under normal circumstances, the daily tasks at work and home keep one occupied and the ‘we-time’ in a relationship is built around it. But in the quarantine situation, the lines between the home and office have blurred, leading to couples spending more time together than they are used to, changing the equilibrium of the relationship.


In order to destress, we all need time to do the things we enjoy and that help us relax. This may not include time or activities we share with our partner. Hence, it is vital to recognise this and encourage our partners to spend time doing the things they enjoy as individuals. One needs to remember that personal time is not a snub to the other but a way to keep the spark alive, make time together more valuable.

Having said this, couples should also set aside some time in the day to bond (beyond household chores) and pursue activities they both enjoy, to maintain the emotional relationship between them. How much time is allotted to the ‘us’ and the ‘me’ can be personalised to each couple depending on their individual needs.

Quarantine situations can bring people together or drive them apart. In most situations, it is the smaller things like understanding personal space that can be the deal-breaker.

How can one deal with the uncertainty, both professional and personal, that the times we live in bring?
NKK: It is important to realise that just because we are living in stressful, uncertain times, doesn't mean our life goals suddenly need to change. The path to achieve these goals may be altered but the goals can hold.

Professional:
This period of stress can help one gain clarity on what they really want professionally. Do I want a job that provides financial stability or one that fosters my growth and provides satisfaction? How important is a supportive office environment for me? Do I want to work for an organisation or will I prefer being self-employed? All of these are important questions that we need to ask ourselves while planning our careers.

Those who are already in the middle of their careers can use the present situation to shine at the workplace by channelling crisis management, organisational and innovation skills. Bringing these skills to the fore will help you get noticed.

The extra time that many are finding themselves with can be used to upskill keeping long term career trajectories in mind, and plan in tandem with the changing economic environment to stay ahead of the curve.

Personal:
Any period of crisis makes us realise who we value in our lives and what we value in our relationships. It gives us perspective on how much emotional energy we want to put into a relationship, and gives us the opportunity to put in the work needed to strengthen those relationships.

At the same time, it is also important to work on developing our personal relationship with ourselves.

Can you tell us how people with the infection are coping/can cope?
NKK: In the current scenario, all patients who have tested positive for covid-19 are in hospital quarantine, and their contacts are expected to be in home quarantine. While quarantine is a necessary preventive measure, it can be associated with several psychological challenges for those quarantined as well as their families.

Psychological stresses related to quarantine include the frustration and boredom related to social isolation, absence of a familiar daily routine, fear about becoming sick and/or infecting others in a family - particularly for those with young children, pregnant women or elderly parents or relatives, worries about inadequate household supplies or medical care access, lack of accurate information, financial and professional concerns, and fear of social stigma.


A small proportion of individuals may go on to develop syndromal disorders, such as depression, anxiety, or trauma-related disorders, that require formal treatment.

It is extremely important to promote mental well-being during such a stressful time. In working with Covid patients, I try to acknowledge their concerns and uncertainties about the pandemic, and share accurate medical knowledge while encouraging steps to reduce distress.

I also try to implement strategies for stress management like planning and preparing for the future, maintaining a healthy sleep schedule, consuming regular nutritious meals, exercising, practising deep breathing or yoga, and rediscovering hobbies.